Most of the time I think I'm done with this blog. With facebook and insta it's pretty easy to share pictures with the people that want to see them (grandma). And increasingly I know that while I have a ton I'd like to say ... like 90% of the world ... there just not that many people that care to hear it.
And that's okay.
There has been tons to say but many people have already said it. The pandemic is awful. It's awful. I could have lived my entire life without living through this. But. We don't get to choose the world events that befall us. I know more about Tcells, IFR, CFR, efficacy, testing capacity, contact tracing, synchronous and asynchronous than I ever wanted to know and will probably never need to know as much again - please God.
For posterity ...
Our world - our bubble - has been okay. Where we live feels largely recession proof. We pivot - FAST. No money for vacation? STAYCATION! No money for vacation? Home Reno! Home reno is happening so fast here that you can't get on peoples calendars. The stores are constantly as full as they are allowed and our Target (and probably Wal-Mart) is reporting Black Friday level numbers since April.
Because they were the only blessed place open. It's really not fair. But. There it is.
We've had lost of job instability. I wont go into details. It was stressful and cast a shadow over 4th of July. But we rallied. And weathered it and the solution presented itself and we're better. Long term probably much better. So many prayers and blessings to God for always showing a way through. I am grateful I - emotional person - had the foresight to marry my spouse - do not make emotional decisions person. Because I was ready to burn every bridge ever because of the indignation alone.
Julia's birthday kind of marked the last social event my kids had. March, April and May were lonely for them. But they get along well and I'm glad there are three of them because they always had someone to do something with. They are for sure bonded in a way that would never have been possible without this long period of togetherness. There will be consequences from that. But for the most part it is good to see.
David learned to ride a bike without training wheels. They read a lot of books. We watched a lot of movies. We played a lot of Catan. Grady taught David how to play XWing. But he still can't beat Grady yet so he doesn't like to play as much. Even though they have a lot of fun with that one, pretending to dog fight star wars planes.
Grady's birthday was the tail end of Texas shelter in place order. And I did cheat a little. We had our cousins up and surprised him.
It was a fun surprise. There are six cousins in this family so them plus us is always a party. Grady was very happy to see them.
I didn't do like everyone else and set him up a parade. I don't like those. We participated in several and they are fun. But Grady I knew wouldn't like them. Standing there having everyone drive by and look at him would have been awkward for him. So we had our two best friends do driveway chats (I wasn't expanding our bubble beyond family at this point - I did have a lot of rules).
The cousins made his birthday special. I think he had a good one.
Easter was depressing. I made everyone get dressed and we watched Matt's church. I miss church. Even now. We aren't ready to go back into an enclosed room yet and I miss church. I need church. It's just such a great way to refresh for my week and I don't get the same perspective and clarity at home on a computer. I'm too old. I can't do it. The younger generation has no issues. But I just can't. It's not how I'm built. I miss church.
May was similar to April. I guess now I can talk about school.
E learning was a joke. I was impressed with what they put together when it started; realizing that our Superintendent had to have been watching the international news and knowing that this was coming. I had been looking online for activities to keep a slide from happening but what they presented was perfect.
For not preventing a slide.
No new material was presented and my kids didn't learn one new thing. Not one.
So I told everyone in May ... if they are going to offer E Learning in the fall ... we're going to unenroll. Distance learning is not what they are best at. There are other companies that have done distance learning effectively for decades. Why would I go with a risky bet when the sure thing is available?
And its even worse. They aren't just offering E Learning. They are offering 7:45AM-3:05PM every day logged in to the computer.
The only reason an elementary school child's day is that long is because it's daycare. That's the only reason. All common sense thinking people know that education can be imparted in considerably less time. There is no earthly reason to have a child on a device for 8hrs a day.
Unless you are having to justify receiving your full paycheck because you are, in fact, paid for those hours and would like to receive your full check. And you would like to go back to school and teach that same amount of time when this is over.
Public education is - I believe - in for a watershed moment.
So we did. We unenrolled. And when someone asked me part of my thought process I put this question to them ... "What is the school primarily focused on right now?" The answer was fast. "Keeping the kids healthy."
"Right. They are bad at that. I'm good at that. If they aren't going to be focused on educating my kids, then my kids really don't need to be there."
And I'm blessed with choice. So we did it.
Now that doesn't mean I'm completely at peace with this. I have many, many reservations about homeschooling and I'm missing my friends and I am fairly positive I've been removed from group texts and emails because I'm not going through the same experience as them.
Let's back up.
I signed up for face to face. I want my kids in school. With their peers. With a teacher. I want them learning independence and having their own experiences and then rushing home to tell me all about them. That's what I want.
At the board meeting at the end of July, our superintendent said three times ... "Face to face learners need to be prepared to go virtual at multiple points throughout the semester and year."
He said it three times. When I point this out to people they say "hes just covering his bases. They'll open." Hope springs eternal.
When Grady was five years old, two months into Kinder he was hospitalized. He had strep throat and Adenovirus and he couldn't keep up. His fever was 104 on medicine and the antibiotics wasn't working fast enough. He had a strawberry tongue, peeling fingers and all the signs of Kawaski's disease. He was monitored in the hospital for four days to make sure it was not Kawaski's (it can lead to enlargement of the heart and lost of nasty things) and then we were sent home. It was a very scary ordeal and we all remember it.
I remember also, telling the school he'd been hospitalized and being very, very, very underwhelmed with their response. I asked for his room to be deep cleaned. "You can send up a box of clorox wipes." I was told.
So forgive me if I'm very triggered and bitter over this whole charade right now.
This isn't minimizing the risks of Covid. There are some. But it's putting them in line with the other risks we take - with our kids - every day / month / year.
And just in case you have Covid blinders on ... lots of things can land your kid in the hospital and you get lots of them every year at school.
So back to the story. So. Putting all that together in my brain; our personal experiences, Super's comments, the coming cold/flu season and the complete lack of a plan on how to differentiate between flu and Covid, the email from the school that Julia will need to be largely independent because they wont be able to help her ... I was pretty convicted.
This was the time to unenroll.
And I am very certain in many ways that we made the right decision. I am also very certain in many ways that this was the right decision for my children ... but not for me.
This isn't what I want. I was going to have a life outside of my kids. I was going to have an opportunity to do something different. I was going to have space, in my day, for me. Real space. Every day.
And I've mourned that and am going to move on. This year doesn't look like anyone wanted to. I am not special. Teaching kindergarten is now my full/part time job and that's what I'm going to do and I'm going to try my best to do it well. We've hired a private teacher to teach the boys and two of their friends. She's set up a classroom in her house and everyday from 8-12 the boys will go to her Awesome school and be awesome. Grady is super excited. The kid is a natural learner and he loves doing it. This is going to be so much up his alley. So much learning and much less garbage. He won't get put at the table with the bad kids. He won't be partnered with the bad kids. He'll be with his friends, also good learners, and God willing, will thrive.
Grady is in 5th grade. What the school was offering seemed to me like education was going to be the last priority and he was going to slip. Right now he's at or above level and I want him to stay there. And I'm not going to hold him back just because "everyone will be behind." I've been told I'm selfish for this line of thought.
I will not punish my kid with crappy education just because the system is deciding that's okay. There are other ways to educate and I just happen to be familiar with them. And I have the means to implement them. If I didn't use them I'd be derelict in my duty to my kids.
Some of this - if you've read this far down - I am saying to myself. A private pep talk you just get to be privy to. I have doubts, I am concerned, and I doubt I sleep tonight. Tomorrow is the first day of school.
And some things will go great and others will be suspect and I'm sure something will go right that I haven't thought of and something will go wrong that I haven't thought of.
I do not have all the answers and I never will. I'm just like everyone else trying to do the best with what I've got and trying to do the best I can by my kids. I have been told that my kids will likely fall behind their peers. I have been told I'm selfish for taking money away from public schools right now. I've been told that they will be missing out. I have been told I will like homeschooling way more than public school. I've been told lots and lots of things.
I am leaning heavily on my faith and my own common sense. It's all I can do. If you're inclined ... prayers are welcome.
I went overboard to make it special for her. No one can say I'm not trying.
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