15 Months

I've been reflecting a bit on pregnancy, lately.  There are no babies left in this house.  Julia is 3y4mo old at the end of this month (I had to look that up - no way I keep track like that at this point).

And keeping my figure is a constant situation.  I try not to dwell on it, but it's with me all day long so it's kind of hard not to think about ones body.  I'm mostly grateful it feels as good as it does, that I can move.  That I can breathe, swallow, see and hear.  These are all things we take for granted.  I remember not being able to breathe without pain, walk without pain ... and I'm grateful that I'm in as good of shape as I am.

But at this point in my mid-life (or close to mid-life?) you have to be a bit more intentional about what you put in your body or things just don't work well.  Just about anything in excess can give me a headache.  If I don't eat enough shrubbery there's consequences.  None of this is true in your 20s.  Or at least ... wasn't for me.

I could run down a litany of house keeping things that have changed in the last three years but it's personal and probably too much information.

So we'll go back to the picture.

When I think about my body I try to remember what it has done.  What it has given me.  When I think about my fluffy parts (BELLY!)  I look at this ...

Ahhhh ... yes.  That could be why.  Or it could be the ice cream with my kids.  But really ... who could do without either?

And without going into too much I'll just leave it there.  My tummy was a home to three babies who came out at or around 8lbs.  That and the natural progression of things means ... well it means things change.

I want to age gracefully.  It's a work in progress.

I miss the special-ness of being pregnant.

I don't miss being pregnant.

I miss the kicks and excitement and anticipation and I miss giving birth.

I don't miss being pregnant.

I miss small infants and their smells and sounds.

I don't miss not sleeping, constant vomit, the medical triage (is it normal? emergency? are they healthy? are they hungry? gas? headache? cold? flu? are they breathing? why do I need a medical degree to do this?) or the constant touching.  I remember days where I was touched constantly by any and all of my children.  Julia wouldn't let me put her down.  And that lack of autonomy, combined with not sleeping, was enough to make me a lunatic.

I miss her dark hair.

I don't miss worrying about her head shape.  I don't miss six weeks of jaundice and that worry.

This is all of my children at 3y and 4mo.

I love our current stage.  There is always something to love at every stage of motherhood/parenthood.  They are always learning and it's always amazing to show them the world.

I love that I can go to the pool and not be at defcon 1.  It's more defcon 2 now (because D is learning to swim and not wearing a vest).  I love that everyone goes into school/church without crying.  That they make friends and play.

I'm hopeful this summer that they strengthen their inter-relationships.  But D and J need some work at how they interact when G is around.  Solo they do oh-kay.  But when Grady is home the whole dynamic changes and they fight.  Julia, from what I've observed, has to fight in order to be included.  But it's not a good tactic because it makes them infantilize her and then she gets frustrated and fights more. 

Work in progress.

I pat myself on the back for what I do well and I heavily criticize what I do wrong.  I am strict - maybe to strict.  There's not a ton of difference between our days during the summer and during the school year structure wise.  We still eat three meals and mostly go to bed on time.  But there's too much TV.  There's not enough outside.  But if I focus on them and getting them places well then I don't do laundry/chores and it's a balancing act.  I try.  And what else can anyone do, really?

But this crew was here with us this week, so things went off the rails a bit as we all had fun.

This list isn't complete and I should add what the kids want to do as well ... I think only one thing, Legoland.  We haven't made it to Houston yet and I thought we would have by this time.  But other things came up.  I have it scheduled for end of July at the worst.  Everything else should get checked off.  I mean three of them are all happening over our July 4th holiday.