Strong-Willed

We had his parent-teacher conference on Monday.  It went great!  He's excelling at everything academic.  He plays well with his peers, he takes his turns, he stands in line, he follows instructions.

Until he doesn't.

The teacher said ... "well, he's very strong-willed."  Which is just a nice way of saying he doesn't do what you want him to do all the time.  I don't think of him so much as strong-willed so much as opinionated and his give-a-damn is low.  You're mad?  Hmmm.  That's okay.  I still don't want to go to the grocery store.  Dinner or go to time-out?  Yeah I don't care.  I'll go hang out in time-out until you forget about me and then I'll do what I want.

He is a very good boy and has a very sweet heart.  He loves baby animals and animals in general and his brain is just constantly working and he says amazing things.  But he also is quiet.  A lot.  And he does not like crowds.  He shuts down and wont answer questions because he just doesn't want to.

But he's already sounding out words and trying to read and he knows all the pre-k stuff already and his teacher is pretty confident that he's bored with preschool.

I mean that's not saying too much.  Preschool is can you count to 10?  Recognize all of your capitol letters?  Colors?  Shapes?  He had all of that last year.  Right now I bet I could do sight word flash cards and he'd get at least 2 out of 10.

He has an older brother.  And even when you think he isn't paying attention ... he is.

She told me nothing I didn't already know.  He is my beautiful, big-feelings, big-heart, affectionate, wrecking ball.  And he is pretty much going to go through life that way, I'd bet.

If you want to talk about strong-willed ...

Might I introduce you to someone who is very much my daughter.

If one more person in line at a grocery store tries to give me parenting advice for this wee thing I'm going to need a lawyer.

Today, as she walked away from me back to the candy / toys at the check out line, I said Julia come back to the cart.  NO MAMA!  And I started counting.  Because I count.  Usually I give the littles till about ten.  Because D needs things to take a bit more time.  As I got past 5 and she's still shrieking NO MAMA! at me I realized well it can be 10 or 20 she ain't going to move unless I make her.  So I went and picked her up and put her in time out.  She got up and moved.  I picked her up and sat her on her bottom in time out again.

This is in the check-out line folks.

And the woman behind me who's probably ten years older than me give or take says, "you know I actually read you're not supposed to count because it lets them think they can wait to do what you want instead of doing it right when you say."

And bless my every loving heart I smile and nod and say "yeah that makes sense to me.  But I also read that it takes their brain up to 30 seconds to process a request so the counting is really for me to make sure I'm giving them time to process what I've said.  And so I don't lose my mind."

She is not the first person to offer me parenting tips for J.  Julia is her own person.  She is a third child in a house full of loud and personality filled boys.  She has to fight to make herself seen and stand out and Lord help us she does.  Do you think I put her in a tie this morning because I thought it was cute?  Or fashion forward?

No it's because I was pretty certain she was going to give her brother whiplash pulling the thing off his neck and trying to put it on herself.  I pick my battles and I have the extra tie and I thought, you know what, she wants a tie and wants to be like brother.  So what??

From the comments I got you'd think I was making a political statement.  TRUST ME.  I'm not.  I believe in autonomy when it comes to my children's bodies, for the most part.  Except for a few outfit choices for special occasions (like today I did ask that D wear actual pants instead of basketball shorts) they pick their own clothes and I don't care what they wear.  It was blue day at school on Tuesday.  D wanted to wear red.  I told him all the kids would probably be wearing blue and he said I don't care I want to wear red.

So he did.  And I don't care. (And I actually love this about him - wanting to do his own thing instead of what the other kids are doing).

On Friday's the first grader is supposed to wear his school shirt to the assembly.  This year he hasn't wanted to.  So he doesn't.

And I don't care.

Julia sometimes doesn't comply with everything I say.  You know what?  I ask my kids a lot.  And she's freaking two years old and doesn't understand half of it.  In six months if she's still the dictator I fear she's turning into, I will come down harder on her.  But for right now?

She doesn't flipping get it.

I mean really.  Do you think I picked out the headphones for her to wear every day for about a week straight?  I hid them the first time and she found them (that's my bad).  They are hidden again, currently.  Not because I don't think she should wear them but because the cord scares the life out of me.

She is opinionated and she most certainly is strong-willed.  She fights me on things the boys never, ever would have and still to this day, don't fight me on.  But she's two.  And irrational.  And emotional.  And she's making a place for herself in this family (as the chief dictator) and I'm working through it.  Learning as she does.

But I swear to pete older moms ... ya'll completely forget how hard it is to take a two year old places and get crap done.  I have to get everything for teacher appreciation week and the camp out this weekend and girlfriend here wants to walk herself, puts random crap in the cart and walked around with two frisbees bigger than she is as purses.  So forgive me if by the time I got to the check out I had to count to 10 (or 6 in this case) and I'm so sorry that offends you and I'm sorry you felt the need to tell me that it was ineffective parenting.  My mom counted.  I'm okay.  I'm a counter.

And guess what she is two and can already count to ten and the 4yo is already counting to 30.

I'm discipling and being educational.  So next time just end your comments with ... she's so cute!  I can already hear the rest of the veiled judgement in that to begin with.  So stop.  Just stop.