The Grandma Detox

Let me begin by saying ... I am not complaining!  I am so grateful to my mother for agreeing to come watch my kids for an entire week - 9 days - and for my Aunt for coming and adding support.  I am grateful.  And even with all the detoxing going on, I would go again.  It was worth it.

This is our first real grandma detox type situation.  I have left my kids with grandma before; for 3/4 days.  And they were younger.  Two years ago G was not quite 4 and D was 18mo.  The time before that G was not quite 3 and D was 7mo.  Before that G was not quite 2.  This is our first visit of considerable length to where they really got some quality time with the grandma side of life.

All that to say ... I am not complaining.  I'm observing.

And the Grandma Detox is real.

At first it was small things.  Waking up and coming downstairs and playing before 6am.  This is expressly not allowed.  You stay in your room until the sun comes up.  You may read books, you may count dots on the ceiling.  But you must stay in your room, you must stay in your bed, and you must be quiet and not wake up your brother.

This is just the rule.  Seems it twas not the rule last week.  This broken rule makes for long, long days.

Then it was other things ...

Can we play iPad?  No it's a school day.  Can we watch a show?  Nope, it's a school day.  But mooooooom.  Sorry kid.

You're a toilet.  Fall in the toilet.  Poop poop poop poop.  Boys.  Do nice boys talk like that?  [blank stares].  You are my nice boys and you do not talk like that.  I will count to 20.  You may tell one more toilet joke and then we are done.  If there any more not nice words you will go to time out.

There were two time outs.

Then it was bigger things.

My boys are competitive.  I think most kids are to a certain extent.  They were fighting over everything Monday.  Everything.  That's my lego.  Grady share the legos. Nooooo!  That's mine!  DON'T BREAK IT.

More time outs.  My boys rise and fall together. [Coincidentally Lew doesn't agree with this practice] If they are fighting over toys it means D is being a baby and G isn't shared.  Both get short time outs.  But in my view - time out is just a break.  You both need a break from the situation to breath and then go back and try again.  I am fine with both getting time outs for fighting.  I don't care who started it.

And I get sick and tired of the yelling.

Then on the way home from school, they were racing.  Running.  Someone has to be in front.  They both desperately want to be in front.  I regulated some - G wait for your brother - but then at one point G goes to cut D off and D trips over him and scraps both knees and his lip and nose.  A fairly decent crash.

This was when I believe they both realized - mom is back in town.

I made G run laps around the house.  You want to run?  Run.

I made him get the paper towels and clean up his brother and help with the bandaids.  We talked about how competition is fine but hurting people so you win is never, not ever, not ever, ever okay.  Kindness is more important than winning always.

And mostly - I am not raising mean boys.  You are my nice, kind, empathetic boys who take care of each other and you will be good because you are good.  End of story.

Really it was like I had to go over 6yrs worth of my parenting monologues in about 36hours.

And I know - I really know - that I am strict.  That I don't let them run wild really ever.  I figure they have dad (and Grandma) for that.  I strive to be the voice in their head.  So that means repeating my monologues and my mantra - you are my kind, good boys - every single day.  And I do.  It's sort of like that phrase from The Help ... "You is kind, you is good, you is important."  Without the bad grammar.

And really they weren't bad for Grandma.  They just didn't control themselves the way I ask them to control themselves.  And that's a-okay.  A break from mom means a break from moms rules.  It's like when Dad takes them to the grocery store and they get to get two mini carts to push around and have races down the empty freezer aisles.  Mom would never - and I do mean never - allow that.

But I have a different task don't I?  I have to maintain a certain level of order so that I can trust them when I turn my back for the 90seconds I need to change out laundry, unload the dishwasher, get something from the aisle and put it in the cart, without thinking they've burned the house down.  Or broken every picture frame playing bounce-y balls in the hallway.

There are things I do more of.  I do more outings.  More books at bedtime.  More bubbles in the bath. More paint.  More play dough.

But I don't let them get up early.  I don't let them talk like sailors.  And I don't let them hand endless screen time unless there's a fever involved.  There's or mine.

We do watch what I find is a lot of television / iPad games.  We do.  I'm not a perfect / great / awesome / amazing mom or anything.  There's just no tv / iPad before school.  Usually they play / watch after school with snack before they go outside.  So I'm not a saint on screen time - TRUST.

For her part - sweetie face seems the least affected by Grandma detoxing.  She was mad when I got home.  Glared at me.  Wouldn't let me hold her.  Wanted her Grandma or Daddy.  And she'd just look at me as they held her.  She wanted me to know my absence was noted.  And she was not much pleased.

By the next morning she was better.

Grady told me Sunday at dinner - "Mom, I'm really glad you're home." David said on Monday - "don't leave me today, mommy."  And he cried at drop off at school on Tuesday.  Not a characteristic thing.  When I asked him after school why he cried he said he didn't want me to leave him.  He was thrilled when I picked him up though.  So I'm hoping next school day goes better.  He was fine for grandma, I'm told.  And happy.  But I think stress can be invisible, and it probably played a part in their super early wake ups.

I would go again and I am so glad they were good and mostly healthy (G did get sick on Thursday at school and had strep, turns out) and ate well and played and did fun grandma things.

It's just funny, the grandma detox.