a thought
When G was born they had NICU in the room because his heart rate dipped dangerously low and we had to rush to get him out. He got stuck and then it got more dire. I - personally - believed the nurse overreacted. But when he was finally in this world, they put him on my belly for all of twenty seconds before they rushed him off to make sure he was fine. They put him back, but he was clean and swaddled by then.
I wonder now, if that lapse, that brief time, if that impeded our immediate bonding.
I bonded immediately with my next two. David came out and oh how he screamed. Oh he screamed. He gurgling mess of a scream that still makes me laugh because it's so him. I was so worried about him, his whole pregnancy. So, so, so worried. Two miscarriages had scared me. And when he came out a big thriving boy I was relieved.
And Julia ... well I'm too close to that to speak on it. But she came out crying with a big dramatic face and a mouth wide and oh how my heart swelled.
I did not have that with my man G.
Was it because he was first? Or did that immediate bonding get side tracked because I didn't get that skin to skin, with all the yucky mess of a new baby on my chest?
I'm not mad or anything. Just thinking. It's an interesting thought.
I wonder now, if that lapse, that brief time, if that impeded our immediate bonding.
I bonded immediately with my next two. David came out and oh how he screamed. Oh he screamed. He gurgling mess of a scream that still makes me laugh because it's so him. I was so worried about him, his whole pregnancy. So, so, so worried. Two miscarriages had scared me. And when he came out a big thriving boy I was relieved.
And Julia ... well I'm too close to that to speak on it. But she came out crying with a big dramatic face and a mouth wide and oh how my heart swelled.
I did not have that with my man G.
Was it because he was first? Or did that immediate bonding get side tracked because I didn't get that skin to skin, with all the yucky mess of a new baby on my chest?
I'm not mad or anything. Just thinking. It's an interesting thought.
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But that cool new baby part he and I didn't really get, bc of his issues. But I don't feel robbed or anything. It's just how it played out. I think G and how cool it all was made it easier to bond with the others. Not as much unknown.