Triple the Judgement

When I went out with one kid, I didn't get many comments.  Usually they were about how cute he was or if he was well-behaved they'd say something.  A few times, when I had to publicly put him in time out, people would compliment my parenting, or offer support.  And even more rarely, folks would ask if their would be a sibling for him.  But that was very rare.  Most times, these comments were all positive.

When I went out with two boys, the comments were pretty negative.  I mean I got a few, what good looking boys.  Or how well behaved they've been.  On airplanes people always compliment them.  But what I got the most of ... you sure have your hands full.

I really wish we could just put a ban on that damn phrase.  It's not a compliment.  I don't know how people mean it, but they always say it in the line at the grocery check out, when I'm wrangling the younger brother and asking older brother for help and trying to hand the cashier coupons and be pleasant when they ask "how is your day?"  Usually, how that line comes across is, "that looks like chaos and it's stressing me out just watching it and oh-mah-gosh how do you do it?."

And in my world, that's just insulting.  And is it because they are boys?  Is it because they have opinions?  Because - trust - girls have opinions too.  People have opinions.  And last I checked, small children, even babies - natch - are people.

But, with just two weeks of three under my belt, those comments were few and far between compared to what I get now.

I took them to the arboretum today.  The weather's great and I love it there.  And staying home all the time just makes people sad.  See above comments about who counts as people.

Oh the stares.  I wore the baby (who is admittedly, very young and small, but the world doesn't stop folks - in China their working class go right back to work) and pushed the boys in the stroller. And I swear the looks.  And the comments ... oh wow, three?

As if I can't count.  Or that three is a shocking number?  Because clearly I can count.  Is the intention here to check if one of these blessings was an accident?  Because I can assure you, none of them was.  All were planned by God to be on this earth and have a purpose and a calling.  Not sure what it is yet ... D's calling may be to give me gray hair.  But we'll see.

The beloved ... you've got your hands full!

Yes.  Full of love.  Do you know how much these kids adore me?  Because they do.  They take me for granted - no doubt - but they love me.   And do you know how much I love them?  Enough that if you get one little hand closer to them I will bite it off with my ferocious mama bear teeth.  Try me.  I'm postpartum and I have three kids.  Anything could happen.

But the stares is what got me.  Mostly from older people.  There were a few moms there with three or four and we gave each other looks of solidarity ... our homes are full of love, our time is precious, and these years are fleeting.  Carry on.

There was a movie once, that I can't remember the name but Steve Carrell was in it I think.  And one of the relationships (husband and wife) had no kids.  And throughout the whole movie this couple is applauding themselves on not having children because look at the chaos the main character is going through with his three kids?  Aren't we so clever.  But then at the end, when they witness the love in that family, the wife says to the husband, "why didn't we have kids?  Most people have kids as a tangible example of their love for each other.  Just the cumulation of all those feelings put here on earth."  Or something like that.  I need to look up that quote exactly.

My children are beautiful.  They are well-behaved too.  Which is why the "hands full" comments always throw me.  They are sitting quietly and playing in the grass or staying in the stroller.  They aren't running off.  They are blessings.

And I love them dearly.

All these comments are just kind of sad.  I don't know where between 1 and 3 the happy level is.  But I really wish people wouldn't stare.  I'm going to start assuming they are jealous.  And some of them probably are.  I know I used to look longingly at families.  Which makes me look at my own pictures of my beautiful bairns with just awe.