39 Weeks

What to write.  Hmmm.  What to write.  I've had lots of changes that I think mean things are still happening.  But that's no indication that things are happening quickly.  I've had more contractions but nothing like Tuesday or Wednesday.  Yesterday I had hardly any at night and my ever hopeful brain thinks that perhaps that means the next time I start having contractions they will be blessedly real.

I am in a weird place.  Weird day-by-day place.  I make no plans beyond today.  I walk, I remain active.  I do laundry, I carry things.  I eat food (if I can), I sleep (if I can), I take care of my kids and tell my mother she can leave for Kansas if she wants to or I will fly her home and fly her back if she wants to.  She insists she's staying.  I remind her she could be here for two weeks.  She remains insistent.

I have guilt about all that, but what can you do.

This pretty much sums it up.  (Not my best look, by the way.)

A few weeks ago G started telling people the baby was going to come out and "we hope she doesn't explode out."  It's interesting to see how the boys react to my large form.  The almost five year old likes to pretend he's worldly and not scared / intimidated / curious but he is.  They are both glad Grandma is here.  She is fun and gives in to them.  Mommy is not as nice.

I have guilt about that too.  But to my mind mommies aren't supposed to be nice all the time.  Sometimes there are rules and sometimes somebody has to make you do the right thing.  That person is not a grandma, apparently.

One of the few times that D actually wanted to participate.  He still wanted his smarties though.  I get pictures for candy.  Heaven forbid they run into a predator because for the right candy they'd both follow him into a an armored truck.

He's looking at his belly as I ask him where his belly is.  He's pretty cute.  My belly is less cute.  But the insides are probably pretty cute.  We'll see in a week or so.

Everyone say prayers for a healthy baby.  That's the end game.  That's all that matters.  My experience getting her here is so far down the list of things that are important, I shouldn't even bother thinking on it.  And yet here we are.  I would like labor to start on it's own.  I'd like that.

But the most important thing is a healthy baby.  And anyway she gets here in that capacity is wonderful.  I haven't had a bad experience with pitocin or hospital's or doctors or nurses or epidurals or drugs.  I've pushed and out they came.  I didn't have crazy pain or crazy scary anything.  It was all fine.

And who cares how they get here because after they do get here it's a whole new ball game.