15 Months

From Collages

From _lightroom3

He was wide awake. But it's bedtime and dark and he was very tired. I tried to rock him, because it's calming for me too. Peaceful time. But he just kept leaning forward and roaring and giggling and giving me big sloppy kisses. Gumming my face. I nuzzled him a bit. Stood up. Rocked him some more. He just stared at me quietly. I gave him a kiss and laid him down. When I checked the monitor when I got downstairs his eyes were shut.

 …

 We walked around in the ice while little man slept. All bundled up in his *next years* snow outfit. It fits pretty good, for it being *next years*. We stomped on ice. We delivered our two Christmas cards. We sang Christmas songs. He likes the one about the horses. Pretty sure it's jingle bells. I could be wrong though.

Mama, who long will the snow stay?  [he can not be convinced it's ice] How long should it stay? [remember the world is really quiet, there are no cars, no people, no dogs barking] I hope it stays forever, mama.

We walked for over an hour, with a stop at his buddies house for a few minutes for mama to warm her nose.  I carried him home.

…

They are out of the bathtub.  All peaceful and happy because this is their very favorite time of day.  They know what to expect.  They get one on one time with mama and daddy.  Chalupa especially is giddy; walking around and grabbing books and dropping them at my feet.  He sits still for two or three pages, then he's up to grab another one.

G has his airplanes.  They zoom around his head making appropriate noises as he turns in circles.  He encircles them around his brother's head.  He says to him: "follow me!"  And just joy at being included radiates from Chalupa's face, and he rushes to follow him into the closet.  They giggle and I have to call them out a few times.

And somewhere my heart hitches because I know he will follow him, will want to follow him, anywhere.  It was the unspoken word in the room after G said it to him … anywhere.  But someday G will be too cool or Chalupa too young or too slow or too something.  Hopefully more than not, they rush off together as they have been lately.

I think there may be a secret code with brothers.  An unassuming friendship that just is inherent.  They fight over toys and G can't share and it's hard, but in the moments they play together, which are frequent too, things click in the universe and things are grand.

…

He's in a size 4.5 shoe now.  His brother an 8, should be 8.5.  Which is small for his age but his feet grow last.  Just as his dad says his did.  We don't all grow the same ways.  But they are both growing.

Motherhood is a contradiction.  I love mothering my babies.  My babies are growing up.  They are turning into people I adore but how fast it just flies.  They all told me.  I nodded and swore I'd soak it in.  But you never really believe them until you experience it.

Look at how fast he's changed?  A year ago a three month old holding up his head.  Now, a toddler running after his brother, talking to me when he feels like it, bringing me toys and screaming his head off because he hates the snow.  It's amazing how they grow.