We have been blessed with many, many good days (and nights) lately. My children are such a blessing. And I know the camera is out a lot ... but looking through the pictures I've taken this past week or so I do not regret it. I know I will long for these days all too soon, and look back at these pictures with a tender heart.
When the problems are bigger than I can tackle. When the issue is learning to throw a curve ball so they can make the team, when it's a girl that's broke their heart and the last person they want to talk to is their mother. When they are begging for the car keys and I have to say no because they got a D on the calculus test and they scream "I hate you!" as they run up the stairs ... I will long for these simple days ... when all it took was a balloon and a flat sheet.
I know everyone tells you that it's fleeting ... but I feel it acutely. I do. I hear G say something innocent and sweet and my heart hitches and I pray,
please, stay sweet forever. please. He is a great kid. I say that as his mother I know but he is just a great kid full of energy and love and eagerness. I want all of that to stick to his bones and down to his soul.
[G swings the golf club with two hands, the ball soars]
Daddy:
Great shot G!
Grady: [beaming]
Thanks daddy!
I know this time is precious and I feel it flying. I want to burn every moment on my heart because I know it will go, replaced by more proud moments and more smiles and more laughter. But these moments when my sons are tiny, and innocent, and completely untouched and unsullied by the hardships of life ... when they are so completely mine ... these days are precious. I hold Chalupa a little longer before I lay him down for naps or bedtime, and I nuzzle his soft cheeks longer and breathe him in deeper.
Does he know he's so very loved? Every day? Does G? My children are spoiled beyond words but I want them to be spoiled with love. Not indulgence. But love.
I want to be a good mother not just to babies, but to growing men. I want to be able to transistion from this blessed time to one with more challenges smoothly. I want to handle their growing up and away with grace. But I know I'll face it with tears too.
As we run around the house chasing each other, the music blaring to "the lightning mcqueen song," Chalupa belly laughing in my arms as we turn a corner and G squeals as I tag him ... I want to remember these simple days. That even with the sleepless nights and the crazy nap schedules and the teething and the diapers and the potty training setbacks ... there really was just crazy fun. Joy.
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