The Truth About Two
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| From _lightroom3 |
When the older one gets sick it's almost guarenteed the younger one is going to get sick. And if your older one is in any kind of school or childcare, it's a guarentee (unless they have the constitution of say, Superman) that they will bring something home. You remember how fun it is to have one sick kid? Double that and multiple it by the second one being an infant and the first one being old enough to whine at you all day. Fun stuff. Let me tell you.
Have something fun you want to do with the older one? It better not coincide with feedings or naps or any of the other schedule needs of the younger one. Chalupa is finally sleeping like a person but this means he has real sleep needs and can't get by with naps on the fly too often. So we need to be home from 9-11 and again from 130-330. And that's a schedule I am pushing so that they sleep at least a little bit at the same time. But do you see that schedule? There is literally no time to go anywhere. After Chalupa wakes up it's time for lunch and after lunch it's time to get ready for nap. I can push lunch back to noon and I migth be able to run to the grocery store between 11 and 12. Or we can attempt to go out after nap time, but that's pushing the 5PM meltdown mode which no matter how well anyone has napped can still creep up on you.
You think I'm joking. I'm really not.
I know lots of people do lots of things and just make their kids deal with it. I don't think that makes anyone happy in the long run and I think it leads to more tantrums and more melt downs. This, the alternative, leads to being home all. the. time.
Which has it's own drawbacks.
And twice a week and on the weekends we usually do push it. We go out in the morning and Chalupa has to nap in the car or he misses the nap and I wear him in the carrier. But he's 9 months old. I feel silly wearing a 9 month old. He's not crawling yet, so it's doable, but it still feels silly.
I'm not a slave to the schedule in that when I get an invite to something fun I say, "nope, can't that messes up our schedule." Schedules were made to be broken. And I'm seasoned enough at this parenting thing to know that even with a day or two off schedule, they eventually go back. Children's little bodies love order and scheduling. It sets their rhythms and lets them know what to expect when.
I know some people don't buy into that ... but from my own limited experience it's very true. When we go upstairs for bathtime, and Chalupa knows that it's coming, he gets giddy. When you lay him down on the changer after we've read stories, his legs kick out and he smiles excitedly. He's going to eat and cuddle with mama. I swear he's happy to know what's happening.
Which brings me to ... I can manage everything by myself. And I do. My husband works 10 hour days. Sometimes 12/13 hour days. He's traveling now with the new job (usually just Houston) and he's getting up at 430 to catch a 630 plane and then he catches the 7PM flight home and is back by 830PM. He's doing that once a week. Most days he leaves by 8AM and is back by 630. So he catches the tail end of dinner on a good day and we take the kids upstairs for bath ten minutes later.
So I manage just about everything with the kids by myself. And I can. But the one time, the one time of day I really need help is bedtime. That's the only time I really need an extra set of hands. It's better now, but when Chalupa was small it was a cluster of a nightmare. He would just scream and scream and I'd have him in the bouncer while I tried to read a book to G over the screams. Chalupa rarely got a bath as an infant because I just couldn't manage bathing both it was too dangerous. I finally got smart just after 4 months and borrowed my friends infant bathtub and I put it in the bathtub with G and Chalupa would sit in it and watch G splash in the 12in of space it left for him and be happy. So if you didn't need an infant bath tub for one, you need one for two.
Then we all get lotioned and dressed and I read to both and then sing to G and deal with stalling tactics while Chalupa screams that yes, really, he is hungry and tired now.
Two tricks ... there's an ipad app called Reading Rainbow (yes like the tv show) and they have interactive digital books that read to the kid. So in a pinch I could use that and get G read to while I bounced and held Chalupa. Other trick, G's video monitor has an intercom feature. Instead of being in the room and singing to him I could leave quicker and tell him I'd sing to him on the monitor. I could sing while nursing Chalupa and Chalupa would stop crying.
A small thing. But it helps a lot.
And honestly, things are getting easier now. For the first six months I couldn't get dinner made on any given day. We were ordering take out twice a week and I swear Lewis was ready to call a laundry service. The baby was needy about 5 - 7 and I spent the rest of the day trying to get him to nap or eat and when I wasn't doing that I wanted to do something fun that G would like. Finally he started sleeping better and finally things got settled. And it's important to note that I did most of the hard time 4-6mos, by myself, because of Lew's surgery. So I think that made our situation with two harder than most. Just full disclosure.
And it's also worth noting that when we frist brought him home he was easy. He had a long stretch of about 5 hours from 9-2 and he slept all day long. He was still fussy around dinner time though. I just wore him in the carrier and that was pretty simple. Then he got big. Then he stopped sleeping. But when he first came home I was like oh look how easy! He just sleeps on me and he's so mellow!
But it has gotten better. And here we are now. Of course now he's sick and coughing and driving me crazy with fretfullness. Not his fault I suppose.
I wouldn't go back to having one for all the tea in China. In fact I'm half eager to add our third. The only thing that gives me pause is logistically, how will I manage three? Women and mothers and men and father's have managed for millenia. But my generation is more self involved so I wonder what it will do to our quality of life in a way that previous generations didn't. I know it will be super, super hard on me. But I loved having siblings. I wouldn't change it in anyway. And I want that for the boys. Three partners in crime driving me nuts and hanging out when their friends are busy. And on family vacations you have more friends to play with. Someone to pitch, hit and catch. Not just pitch and hit.
And not to get too controversial, my friends that have help a few days a week or all days a week are more eager to add more kids. They have dreams for large family. I would too, if I had a nanny two or three days a week or if I had part time work that let me do both adult things and kid things. I don't envy anyone having to work or anyone that has a part time job. But I do envy the ability to call in sick to work and send your kids to childcare and go get a hair cut, or visit the dentist.
But I'm one of the odd ones; I don't like being away from my kids. As much as they drive me crazy, as much as I'm so, so, so in need of a break. A break for me is an hour, maybe two. Anything more than that and I wonder what they are doing. When they go to bed or are napping I look at their pictures. I am happiest at home playing with my kids.
Which is why our schedule, with it's limitations, really isn't the worst thing in the world. We have lots to entertain us with in this great big house and many fun things that are within walking distance. If I could have an online cofee klache at about 10 when Chalupa's sleeping and could get some adult conversation I think I'd have the perfect situation.
My kids are my favorite people in the world. I understand them. So while having two is just triple the amount of work (no idea how that math works out but I swear it's true) I would not go back.
And I'm not opposed to adding a third to the mix. Growing up with three brothers sounds awesome for the boys.
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