I'm Going to Drop My Basket
This is the post in which I admit defeat.
You see that stress? You win. I lose. I get it. Stop pummelling me now.
Even writing that the rational side of my brain kicks in and says, shut up you have it so easy! You stay home! Your husband has a job! You have health insurance! Your car runs! Shut up you spoiled baby!
Well this spoiled baby feels like Ashley Judd in YaYa Sisterhood (which I kid you not I just spelled YaYa Shitterhood!!! LOL). I'm going to drop my basket.
You know that scene where she's getting thrown up on, pooped on, her husband's gone and she has three kids all in meltdown mode? And then she disappears for three days to a hotel somewhere just to sleep? Yeah I think about that scene. A lot.
Two kids is hard. Two kids sick off an on during cold and flu season is so hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized during cold and flu season is so very hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized and your husband diagnosed with a life threatening hard condition is so very very hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized and your husband has a heart condition that requires open heart surgery is so very very very hard.
Add to that normal wear and tear crap. A car breaks here, this one needs new breaks here, the heater needs this here, you forget to take care of a dog you were house sitting for here ... you can see how many very very's I would have to add. Not to mention the ongoing saga that is G's EE.
The kids are both sick again. Chalupa threw up and choked last night and earned himself a stay in our bedroom (so no one slept). G woke up throwing up in the middle of the night.
I'm done. Which really. Of course I'm not done. The world turns. I have to keep going. But Lord help me I want to be done. Spring can't get here fast enough. Healthy kids can't get here fast enough.
I see the blessings. I do. I really do. I see how God has provided for us and protected us. I do. My husbands heart condition was found before he was a statistic and another corpse at the gym. He survived heart surgery, did not have to have open heart because there's a rock star thoracic surgeon in Dallas who can repair his heart through a four inch incision between two ribs.
I have health insurance that is providing. That is helping us avoid depleting savings. My husband, in the midst of all this ... interviewed and earned a new job.
We are blessed beyond anything. I see all of this.
But two kids? So very hard. There is no end. It doesn't stop. The baby is still a baby and not sleeping so 24/7 ... on on on on. No stop. I'm exhausted and depleted and I truly need a recharge.
It'll happen. It'll come. I signed up for a bible study that has childcare. So for 90 minutes every Tuesday I am guarenteed adult interaction. I'm joining a new gym. I'm going to take G swimming. So that'll be 45 minutes of guarenteed one on one time with G.
I'm going to get through all of this and hold on to my basket at the same time.
But I'm hormonal and still post-partum and it's so very very hard. And sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who admits just how hard all this stuff is.
You see that stress? You win. I lose. I get it. Stop pummelling me now.
Even writing that the rational side of my brain kicks in and says, shut up you have it so easy! You stay home! Your husband has a job! You have health insurance! Your car runs! Shut up you spoiled baby!
Well this spoiled baby feels like Ashley Judd in YaYa Sisterhood (which I kid you not I just spelled YaYa Shitterhood!!! LOL). I'm going to drop my basket.
You know that scene where she's getting thrown up on, pooped on, her husband's gone and she has three kids all in meltdown mode? And then she disappears for three days to a hotel somewhere just to sleep? Yeah I think about that scene. A lot.
Two kids is hard. Two kids sick off an on during cold and flu season is so hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized during cold and flu season is so very hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized and your husband diagnosed with a life threatening hard condition is so very very hard. Two kids sick and one hospitalized and your husband has a heart condition that requires open heart surgery is so very very very hard.
Add to that normal wear and tear crap. A car breaks here, this one needs new breaks here, the heater needs this here, you forget to take care of a dog you were house sitting for here ... you can see how many very very's I would have to add. Not to mention the ongoing saga that is G's EE.
The kids are both sick again. Chalupa threw up and choked last night and earned himself a stay in our bedroom (so no one slept). G woke up throwing up in the middle of the night.
I'm done. Which really. Of course I'm not done. The world turns. I have to keep going. But Lord help me I want to be done. Spring can't get here fast enough. Healthy kids can't get here fast enough.
I see the blessings. I do. I really do. I see how God has provided for us and protected us. I do. My husbands heart condition was found before he was a statistic and another corpse at the gym. He survived heart surgery, did not have to have open heart because there's a rock star thoracic surgeon in Dallas who can repair his heart through a four inch incision between two ribs.
I have health insurance that is providing. That is helping us avoid depleting savings. My husband, in the midst of all this ... interviewed and earned a new job.
We are blessed beyond anything. I see all of this.
But two kids? So very hard. There is no end. It doesn't stop. The baby is still a baby and not sleeping so 24/7 ... on on on on. No stop. I'm exhausted and depleted and I truly need a recharge.
It'll happen. It'll come. I signed up for a bible study that has childcare. So for 90 minutes every Tuesday I am guarenteed adult interaction. I'm joining a new gym. I'm going to take G swimming. So that'll be 45 minutes of guarenteed one on one time with G.
I'm going to get through all of this and hold on to my basket at the same time.
But I'm hormonal and still post-partum and it's so very very hard. And sometimes it feels like I'm the only one who admits just how hard all this stuff is.
Comments
But your kiddos know that they're loved, and that's the important thing. Hang in there mama!