I will lead with I'm horrified of being left on my own on Wednesday. The anxiety is pretty scary. I know that it's just the unknown of it. I'm sure we will muddle through somehow. There may be tears (theirs and mine) but I think I'll manage. I mean I have to. What choice do I have?
When I think about D and it starts to get overwhelming; the thoughts of sleepless nights, spit-up, vomit, blow out diapers and crying jags ... inevitably some chore comes up for G. And he tells me that he'd like more juice, or he'd like to change shirts, or he's excited about pre-school. And it's kind of calming. It's like a constant reminder ... it passes. They grow into amazing creatures that gain independence and are always surprising you. They play games, they sing songs. They really do
grow so fast. And then I get to hold onto little D a bit more nostalgically. In strange ways, G is helping me not drown in worry over the work load, or worry too much about how hard it's all going to be. Because it's just
gone in a flash.
D is, so far, a good baby. But honestly it's not so much that he's a good baby, it's that I'm a better mother. And I have G to thank for that, too. He spits up and it doesn't devestate me. He cries and I don't worry. And where with G it took me months to figure out what was wrong with what, now I can hear the different noises and think he's probably dirty, he's straining to (sorry TMI) poop, he's about to spit-up, etc. I don't know ... I'm just more relaxed about the whole thing.
Mom says that's why D is sleeping so easy. I do believe that babies tap into the energy around them. If you worry, your kids will worry. If you are excited (like about pre-school), your kid will be excited. I mean not
always nothing's for sure, but for the most part ... kids are like little mood rings.
My dad told my mom he doubted I would take near as many pictures of D as I have of G. Everyone told me that. I don't think they understand how much photography is more of a hobby, and something to do on any given day (and sometimes the only thing you can do - especially when you aren't leaving the house) and not so much just trying to document things. And I love pictures.
Love. For some people pictures are a chore or a secondary thing but for me I plan entire days around when I should take pictures and what moods he (or they, now) will be in at any given time. So I think, not only will there be as many pictures of D as there are of G, but there may even be more.
Now what there will be less of are pictures of him out and about town. This I can not help. I can not watch two kids and carry a heavy camera very often, especially by myself. But maybe I'll surprise myself.
G is obssessed with home movies now. He wants to watch "his videos" on my iphone all the time. And he watches the ones of him playing with his daddy over and over and over again. Right now he's watching one of the videos of him taking his first steps (we have them hooked up to the television). Now he's watching one of him and I working on colors with his sorting cups, circa last year (I think he's 15m old). Seriously, he's riveted.
He's putting good sentences together and is excited about pre-school, though he doesn't fully get the concept. He is showing some needy tendencies with his brother being around. He always wants something from when I sit down to feed him. But over all he's doing pretty good. He likes pointing out D's features, hair, eyes, nose, etc.
We have big tests coming up; doctors appointment with both kids (and Gma thankfully), Tuesday is the first day of pre-school, and then Wednesday ... mama's first day alone. Like I said, not gonna lie. I'm feeling pretty nervous about that.
But we move forward, or we stop.
Comments