Parenting
I have written here before about the temper tantrums. I am blessed with a reasonable and very obedient child in my first born. But occassional (and seriously, it's always around the same time of day) he becomes unreasonable and meltsdown.
Today, for instance. We had gone to the used book store (I need to find the book for bookclub). He had picked out a new coloring book and I replaced our damaged copy of The Little Engine that Could, his very favorite book ever, and then I found a book I'd been hunting, The Fat Can Sat On the Mat. So we go check out, and I think it was the coloring book that had him wanting to go home after that. He wanted to color.
But mama had more errands. Including a trip to the library to pick up two books I had on hold, ironically enough, parenting books; The Way of Boys and Bringing up Boys.
So we get to the library. He can bring the coloring book inside, but he must leave the crayons. This is when I can see trouble brewing. He's okay, but he's a bit whiny about having to leave the crayons. But no protests. No crying.
Then we walk in the library. Literally, within seconds of the door swishing behind us .... "NOOOOOO! GO HOME!" at the top of his lungs. Not only is this the library it's also the municipal court building. Not an appropriate place to be screaming.
Long and short of it - there was an episode in a bathroom I wont go into, but a nice woman helped me, God bless you nice woman - we went back outside, him screaming over my shoulder and I sat him down against a pillar off to the side, me sitting in front of him about five feet away.
I say nothing for a few seconds, just let him cry and look around. When he starts breathing again we have our conversation. Why do you want to go home? No response. More tears. Well we are not going home. We're going inside to look at the books, and play with the toys. NO! Go home! he cries. We are not going home. We will walk around outside for an hour but we are not going home. Because seriously, this screaming thing wasn't going to win the day. Anyway I can't remember all of what I said. He started whining about being hungry (his go to get out of jail stall tactic - damn effective that one its horrible). We never go anywhere without his lunch box so I offer him his snack. He says no, go home. We sit in silence for a bit. Something happens, he comes around, the time out has either done it's purpose or reached it's peak. You can't keep them sitting like that for long.
So it ends how it always ends ... Come give mama a hug. He runs over and gives me a hug. I love you Grady. I love you mom. Then he takes his lunch box and we start to walk back inside.
We are stopped by a stranger! My brain starts reeling ... is he going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that? Did I say something wrong? What did I say? Is he going to tell me to take my noisy brat home?
But he says something like you did a great job, it's hard and I've been there, but you used a lot of good techniques. I had no idea what to say. Thank you? I'm a complete imbecile at this, but I am truly, truly trying. I am mortified that people listened, that they were actively listening. I have no concept of this in real time, when it's happening. Because I'm focused on correcting behavior and my own ANGER at the screaming and the disobediance. This tunnel vision is helpful but it creates mortification after the fact, when I see the eyes looking my way.
No, this is not the first time I've disciplined in public. But like puppies that pee on the carpet ... if you don't catch them in the act, so to speak, they ain't gonna learn.
We walk back inside. He is still whining. But he is no longer screaming. He's sniffling. But he is not screaming. We sit down in a chair inside the library, he eats his granola bar. He watches the other kids.
He calms down. He feels better. He wants to go play. We play, we read several books, look for more books. We pick up my parenting books and we head out. A pleasant trip even though it started horrible. And we went to the grocery store afterwards. Now we are home and he's eaten. Now it's nap time. If I wasn't almost 9ms pregnant I'd pour myself a cocktail! (not really)
But this parenting thing ... it's just no easy shakes. And I have no advice because I know other peoples kids and what works for G? Would not work for them. G minds. When I sit him down he stays there. Other kids would just jump up and run away screaming about what they want. I've seen other kids swat at their parents (G does this too, in some cases). I've seen other kids just scream through a time out to where you can't talk to them. So I've only been successful because what I've been doing has worked with my particular child.
And honestly he's scared of me.
Is this a product of me being the center of his world (SAHM)? I don't know. Is it because I'm really mean (I am)? I don't know. But he does what I say, for the most part. I've even started the counting thing ... you get over on the count of three. His reaction is funny because counting is a fun game for him, so he laughs and counts with me, but then on three he rushes over to me. So I'll take it.
After all this mini drama today my mom posted a link to this story on yahoo ... How to Say No to Your Kids. Some of them are a little dumb. I'm not big on redirecting. I don't distract him away from what he's doing that's negative. I just flat out tell him NO, what you're doing is bad. You can't do that. Find something else to do. I do try to limit the amount of no.
For instance he just asked for more ice cream. I gave it to him. Life is short people.
And other than that I keep it short, I think? I don't know. There's no set of rules people. I try to be patient and that's about the best I can say. I don't hit (yet - I reserve the right to pull that out when he's older). But honestly I don't need to hit.
My second child is going to be a hell raiser. I can see it. It's okay though. I'm ready.
Oh my gosh the second scoop of ice cream is a melty soupy mess and he's covered in it. Where's my camera.
Today, for instance. We had gone to the used book store (I need to find the book for bookclub). He had picked out a new coloring book and I replaced our damaged copy of The Little Engine that Could, his very favorite book ever, and then I found a book I'd been hunting, The Fat Can Sat On the Mat. So we go check out, and I think it was the coloring book that had him wanting to go home after that. He wanted to color.
But mama had more errands. Including a trip to the library to pick up two books I had on hold, ironically enough, parenting books; The Way of Boys and Bringing up Boys.
So we get to the library. He can bring the coloring book inside, but he must leave the crayons. This is when I can see trouble brewing. He's okay, but he's a bit whiny about having to leave the crayons. But no protests. No crying.
Then we walk in the library. Literally, within seconds of the door swishing behind us .... "NOOOOOO! GO HOME!" at the top of his lungs. Not only is this the library it's also the municipal court building. Not an appropriate place to be screaming.
Long and short of it - there was an episode in a bathroom I wont go into, but a nice woman helped me, God bless you nice woman - we went back outside, him screaming over my shoulder and I sat him down against a pillar off to the side, me sitting in front of him about five feet away.
I say nothing for a few seconds, just let him cry and look around. When he starts breathing again we have our conversation. Why do you want to go home? No response. More tears. Well we are not going home. We're going inside to look at the books, and play with the toys. NO! Go home! he cries. We are not going home. We will walk around outside for an hour but we are not going home. Because seriously, this screaming thing wasn't going to win the day. Anyway I can't remember all of what I said. He started whining about being hungry (his go to get out of jail stall tactic - damn effective that one its horrible). We never go anywhere without his lunch box so I offer him his snack. He says no, go home. We sit in silence for a bit. Something happens, he comes around, the time out has either done it's purpose or reached it's peak. You can't keep them sitting like that for long.
So it ends how it always ends ... Come give mama a hug. He runs over and gives me a hug. I love you Grady. I love you mom. Then he takes his lunch box and we start to walk back inside.
We are stopped by a stranger! My brain starts reeling ... is he going to tell me that I shouldn't have done that? Did I say something wrong? What did I say? Is he going to tell me to take my noisy brat home?
But he says something like you did a great job, it's hard and I've been there, but you used a lot of good techniques. I had no idea what to say. Thank you? I'm a complete imbecile at this, but I am truly, truly trying. I am mortified that people listened, that they were actively listening. I have no concept of this in real time, when it's happening. Because I'm focused on correcting behavior and my own ANGER at the screaming and the disobediance. This tunnel vision is helpful but it creates mortification after the fact, when I see the eyes looking my way.
No, this is not the first time I've disciplined in public. But like puppies that pee on the carpet ... if you don't catch them in the act, so to speak, they ain't gonna learn.
We walk back inside. He is still whining. But he is no longer screaming. He's sniffling. But he is not screaming. We sit down in a chair inside the library, he eats his granola bar. He watches the other kids.
He calms down. He feels better. He wants to go play. We play, we read several books, look for more books. We pick up my parenting books and we head out. A pleasant trip even though it started horrible. And we went to the grocery store afterwards. Now we are home and he's eaten. Now it's nap time. If I wasn't almost 9ms pregnant I'd pour myself a cocktail! (not really)
But this parenting thing ... it's just no easy shakes. And I have no advice because I know other peoples kids and what works for G? Would not work for them. G minds. When I sit him down he stays there. Other kids would just jump up and run away screaming about what they want. I've seen other kids swat at their parents (G does this too, in some cases). I've seen other kids just scream through a time out to where you can't talk to them. So I've only been successful because what I've been doing has worked with my particular child.
And honestly he's scared of me.
Is this a product of me being the center of his world (SAHM)? I don't know. Is it because I'm really mean (I am)? I don't know. But he does what I say, for the most part. I've even started the counting thing ... you get over on the count of three. His reaction is funny because counting is a fun game for him, so he laughs and counts with me, but then on three he rushes over to me. So I'll take it.
After all this mini drama today my mom posted a link to this story on yahoo ... How to Say No to Your Kids. Some of them are a little dumb. I'm not big on redirecting. I don't distract him away from what he's doing that's negative. I just flat out tell him NO, what you're doing is bad. You can't do that. Find something else to do. I do try to limit the amount of no.
For instance he just asked for more ice cream. I gave it to him. Life is short people.
And other than that I keep it short, I think? I don't know. There's no set of rules people. I try to be patient and that's about the best I can say. I don't hit (yet - I reserve the right to pull that out when he's older). But honestly I don't need to hit.
My second child is going to be a hell raiser. I can see it. It's okay though. I'm ready.
Oh my gosh the second scoop of ice cream is a melty soupy mess and he's covered in it. Where's my camera.
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