15 Months

I had a friend ask me the other day if we have a routine that we do everyday.  She has another friend that has structured a routine of play, learning, reading, etc. for her child of a similar age and she was wondering what I do.  Her daughter stays home with her grandmother every day (a very nice childcare option) and I think she was wondering if there were things her mom (kids gma) should be doing that would help her daughter develop.

We do have a routine.  I think all people fall into some sort of routine with whatever they are doing.  You get up, you do this, you go to work.  It's the same for staying home with a kid.  Think of it like running a business from home.  Only you don't get paid.  Downer.

But do I have structured learning time?  No.  Should I?  Maybe?  I dunno.  My general thought - and this just justifies the fact that I don't have any "structured" time - is there will be plenty of time for structure when he's in school.  Right now he's exploring his own movement, cause and effect, speech, family interaction.  Do I still want him to learn his colors?  Yes, I try and point out the color of whatever he's messing with - that's a yellow spoon.  Blue bowl.  Orange clementine.  I still work on speech (he babbles, I respond back with "well I know the Fed sort of sucks but do you have a better solution?" these interactions make me laugh).

It's hard work staying home.  But you know I seriously hate saying that.  It's not that hard, but it is, but it isn't.  I love staying home, wouldn't change it.  But I have to make a constant effort to keep us both engaged and to keep myself entertained and learning.  Just like anything else I guess.

But case in point he needs socialization.  Now is the time when kids start learning how to play and share together, instead of just sort of playing next to another kid.  And I will not pay for another class (I already pay for the stroller fit class).  So I have to work to make play dates.  And while that sounds stupid and easy, it's wrought with social pitfalls, which are just as hard to navigate as office politics.  And the rejection ... oi.  But mostly I find that there are people in this world that plan and invite, and there are those that don't.  I'm one of the planners.  And it wears on my self-esteem to be the one constantly calling, constantly inviting, constantly setting things up.  But if I don't ... G and I have lonely weeks and that's just bad for everyone.

And being at the house all day everyday is okay ... but the day goes like this, 7AM get up, 8AM G tears the house apart.  7PM bed time, 8PM Mom and Dad put the house back together.  Who knew one toddler could make such a mess.  That gets old.

It's a different kind of hard to stay home.  I don't have the same mom guilt but I do have mom guilt.  As in I'm doing laundry and the kid falls and cracks his head.  Bad mommy.  Or how much would he have learned if he had spent the last year in day care, instead of home with me?  Would he be further along?  Would we be talking more?  Am I hindering his development?

The guilt is endless.  The worry is endless.  A friend of mine asked how I handled the worry about SIDS.  What did we do?  I laughed, you just worry about it.  Forever.  And then when you stop worrying about that you worry about choking.  And when you stop worrying about that you worry about falling.  And I'm not done worrying about choking or falling.  Then you worry about driving. 

I had to tell her welcome to your new reality. You will worry for the rest of your life.  You will worry about schedules, development, nutrition, safety, education, on and on and on forever.  And it's a thankless job.  But hopefully we are all "good enough" parents and our kids turn out great inspite of our shortcomings as parents.