Thoughts from a Stay at Home Mom

Today is a big week in our household.  It's our 5th wedding anniversary, our son's first birthday, and the one year anniversary of my career change.  The first is the most important, because without it none of the others are possible.  But today is the one year anniversary of me becoming a stay at home mom.  We didn't know that it would be the first day of my staying home, I had three months to make up my mind.  But, turns out, it was.

So what have I learned after a year?  Nothing amazing.  It's hard.  In a lot of ways harder than going into an office.  But in some ways it's easier too.  It's monotonous.  That kind of thing.  But I do have a new theory.

So last weekend there was a conversation (that I was not a part of) about staying home or going back to work, and the persons involved said they couldn't imagine staying home with their kids.  They loved their jobs, and their kids, they'd get bored, etc.  And driving home yesterday, as I thought about that conversation and the dozens of others I've heard like it, I came up with a theory.

It used to be, way back in the day, that Mom's and Dad's had lots of kids so they could have lots of little helpers on their farms.  And the Dad's would go out and either work in fields, herd cattle, kill something to eat, etc and the Mom's would stay home and grow food, make clothes, soap, butter, etc.

But they were PRODUCING things, both the mommies and the daddies (and the kiddos, too, actually).  And I think this intrinsic desire to produce something, to be of use, is very strong.  And these days, when everything you need is bought, staying at home and raising kids, can seem like a fruitless, thankless, nonproductive job.

Which is why I think so many SAHM's generally end up with "hobbies."  We do for "fun" what mom's of ole used to do because they had to.  But I think these skills (hobbies) are not passed down like they once were.  How many women do you know that can knit?  Really knit?  I don't know many (truth, I know ONE).  How many that can sew? Or needlepoint?  And many women think staying at home involves only television, dirty diapers, baby talk and no adult interaction.

So I think lots of mommies don't think they can stay home because they want to be more productive than that.  Or give back more than that.

Staying at home requires a lot of discipline, in my opinion.  Staying on a budget, finding ways to cut corners and save money, and not spending all your time driving your young tots between music and art classes and shopping malls.

And forcing yourself to take time out for yourself.  Working women find this balance, I think, more easily than a stay home mom does.  SAHM's are always on kid duty.  They get no time for lunch.  Their conversations revolve around "did you go potty?" or "don't force feed the dog legos."  You have to make time for adult stuff, verses working moms who have to make time for kid stuff.

And when I say working moms ... I mean moms who work both inside and outside the home.  I know how hard it is to be mom and wife.  I can't imagine adding Account Executive / Office Assistant / Nurse / Teacher into that mix.  I have a hard enough time.  But I wouldn't change anything for all the tea in China.  Which many of my other SAHM friends find odd.  They want to go back to work, and some are after their kids get a little older.

The monotony is hard, but I also LOVE it.  I crave the schedule.  I crave knowing he'll nap and I can have an hour to myself.  I crave the good mood the schedule creates in him.  And I know mom's complain about how boring it is to stay home.  But really, how terribly exciting are most office jobs?  Email and staff meetings?  Come on.

I can't imagine being away from him every day.  A week off at some point would be great.  An afternoon of shopping solo sounds awesome.  But every day?  I got every first.  I saw every milestone.  Every smile, laugh, cry....  This also means I've changed almost every diaper.  Cleaned up every round of vomit.  Fought every nap battle.

It is not all rainbows and butterflies.

But I have said my whole life - from an early age - that I wanted two things from my life; to be a mom and to write. I can always find another job of some kind, should I decide I want one.  I can not get these years with my kid back.  And I take my job as his mother very seriously.

I'm not always good at it.  I make a bunch of mistakes.  But I'm hoping that I can mitigate those with lots of hugs and kisses.  I read somewhere the love hides a multitude of sins.

*I want to add that I know that the decision to stay home or go back to work (if you even have that choice) is an incredibly personal one, and each individual has to make it on their own.  I'm just relating theories that I've come up with as I'm approached by those that think staying home is something they could never do.  I've written dozens of posts about my trials of being a stay at home mom, and I never publish any of them, because I'm afraid of how they may come across.  So ... take that for what it's worth.