Little Wonders

Our lives are made / in these small hours / These little wonders / these twists and turns of fate / Time falls away / but these small hours / These small hours still remain ~ Little Wonders, Rob Thomas

I got up and knew I was not going to wait.  There was no way I was waiting till the weekend.  I had to know.  Lewis had already gone to work.  I was running late but what was that!  There was a mystery to solve.  A nagging question.  I had to know!

I went to Target.  Should I just wait till the office?  Or go back home?  I couldn't handle it at work.  Had to go home.  I'd be even later.

But what was that!  I had to know!

I waited.  I waited.  It felt like I'd been waiting years.  I guess I had been.  The answer to the mystery popped up faster than I expected.  There it was in front of me.  I hit my knees in the bathroom.  Completely overwhelmed.  Not really prepared to have that answer in front of me.  Such a massive sense of awe, relief, joy!

Pregnant.

A word on a stick.  On a loaded gun.  A loaded word.  I sobbed.  I thanked God.  I sat on the floor crying for a while.  Then I got up.

On such a momentous day, I had to go to work.  I had to function.  And I couldn't tell anyone!  What a tragedy.  I tell people everything.  I was not telling Lewis over the phone.  Not after everything we had gone through.  Everything I had put him through.  He would have to wait until I met him for lunch.

I drove to work.  I called my sister.

Guess what.

What?

There's a baby in their.

After some haggling, I convinced Lewis to meet me for lunch down near his 1:30 appointment.  He knew something was up because I was willing to go all the way downtown when I worked in Plano.  I met him at Pei Wei down near Northwest Highway.

We stood in line.

Oh I have the pictures from the play the other night in Fort Worth.  There's a cute one of us outside the Performance Hall.  I handed him the camera.  He looked a little confused but he took it from me.

He looked at the picture on the screen and turned it.

What am I looking at?  He went to the next picture.  It was closer up.  Are you ... did you ... are you pregnant?


I nodded.

I can not believe how fast it's gone by.  I miss being pregnant.  I miss having a little secret, a little buddy with me all the time.  I miss the anticipation of meeting him.

But I love having him in the world.  I love kissing his cubby cheeks until he laughs.  I love watching him discover the world.  I love singing to him everynight.

Someday your child may cry / and if you sing this lullabye / then in your heart / there will always be a part of me

Such a little wonder, a year ago tomorrow.