"All Joy No Fun", New York Magazine
A friend of mine recommended this article to me from New York Magazine. Why Parents Hate Parenting - All Joy No Fun.
It's interesting and sort of depressing. There are lots of statistics on how unhappy parents are. That they do not enjoy their role as parent, and the article to me, sort of asks the question, why do people have children?
To which, I do not have a coherent answer.
I don't really have to parent, at this point, so much. I mean I am a parent. But my role in this is more basic than strategic. I don't have to encourage good study habits or safety. I have complete control over Grady's enviornment and when his needs are met. So I'm more of a host to a parasite, still. Though every day my little parasite gains more independence and reveals something else that he has learned.
But the article brought to mind something that Dr. Laura said in her book. That all these studies are done that show how parents feel and what parents aren't getting from their lives and how little fun parents are having. To which Dr. Laura says ... it's not about the parents, idiots. (The idiots is implied.)
I don't really think about my life in terms of how much fun I am or am not having. It's more about how is Grady doing? What does he need? Does he need anything? Am I spoiling him? Why do I have this compulsive desire to buy him adorable clothes?
I mean sure, I schedule time with adults. We invite our neighbors over and we go out to eat with friends (all with Grady, so far). Because I do need adult interaction, always have. And if someone asked me, did you have more fun going to Europe and staying out late and drinking wine, or are you having more fun going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6 every day?
When phrased that way, parenting is not going to be fun.
But I'm really not sure it's supposed to be fun. If you are seeking to have fun, I suggest you go to an amusement park. Parenting is not for the timid. And that's just what I hear, as I've mentioned, I'm not far into this yet.
But I know many parents. Mostly of young children. And none of them would trade it. None of them would go back to life before they had kids. Except maybe that guy with twins. Whom I still think about and feel sorry for.
In fact, I know of so many people who are trying, quite desperately, to be parents. And would trade life savings accounts, cars, vacations, and just about anything they have, to be one.
At the end, the article does admit that the studies can't quantify the joy that people do get from having children. And that people who are seperated from their children, are more depressed than people who are with them. Including divorced fathers.
Also, the writer notes that looking back, no one regrets having children, but many regret not having them. And that people look back on hard times with fondness and nostalgia.
I don't know. I'm enjoying Grady. I don't enjoy everything, obviously. But as Lewis says, "He's pretty great, isn't he?"
Yes, yes he is.
It's interesting and sort of depressing. There are lots of statistics on how unhappy parents are. That they do not enjoy their role as parent, and the article to me, sort of asks the question, why do people have children?
To which, I do not have a coherent answer.
I don't really have to parent, at this point, so much. I mean I am a parent. But my role in this is more basic than strategic. I don't have to encourage good study habits or safety. I have complete control over Grady's enviornment and when his needs are met. So I'm more of a host to a parasite, still. Though every day my little parasite gains more independence and reveals something else that he has learned.
But the article brought to mind something that Dr. Laura said in her book. That all these studies are done that show how parents feel and what parents aren't getting from their lives and how little fun parents are having. To which Dr. Laura says ... it's not about the parents, idiots. (The idiots is implied.)
I don't really think about my life in terms of how much fun I am or am not having. It's more about how is Grady doing? What does he need? Does he need anything? Am I spoiling him? Why do I have this compulsive desire to buy him adorable clothes?
I mean sure, I schedule time with adults. We invite our neighbors over and we go out to eat with friends (all with Grady, so far). Because I do need adult interaction, always have. And if someone asked me, did you have more fun going to Europe and staying out late and drinking wine, or are you having more fun going to bed at 10 and waking up at 6 every day?
When phrased that way, parenting is not going to be fun.
But I'm really not sure it's supposed to be fun. If you are seeking to have fun, I suggest you go to an amusement park. Parenting is not for the timid. And that's just what I hear, as I've mentioned, I'm not far into this yet.
But I know many parents. Mostly of young children. And none of them would trade it. None of them would go back to life before they had kids. Except maybe that guy with twins. Whom I still think about and feel sorry for.
In fact, I know of so many people who are trying, quite desperately, to be parents. And would trade life savings accounts, cars, vacations, and just about anything they have, to be one.
At the end, the article does admit that the studies can't quantify the joy that people do get from having children. And that people who are seperated from their children, are more depressed than people who are with them. Including divorced fathers.
Also, the writer notes that looking back, no one regrets having children, but many regret not having them. And that people look back on hard times with fondness and nostalgia.
I don't know. I'm enjoying Grady. I don't enjoy everything, obviously. But as Lewis says, "He's pretty great, isn't he?"
Yes, yes he is.
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