Ask Stacy
Dear Prudie,
This is my first job out of college, and I work for a very small company.
There are only two other women here, but they're the top executives. I looked up
to these two women for their intelligence, ambition, and style, and felt they
thought of me as their protégée. A few days ago, I overheard them making fun of
the way I dress. I dress appropriately for my business-casual office, but they
made snide comments about the stores where I buy my clothes—not designer, but
also not bargain basements—and how often I wear the same outfits—apparently
referred to as the "10-Day Rotation." One even said, "Why can't she just buy
some decent clothing?" I thought, "You hired me, you know what my salary is!"
I'm disappointed that these women I admire could stoop to such junior-high
levels, and angry because the men in the office could all wear the same thing
every day and no one would notice, and embarrassed by my apparent lack of style.
I can't sleep at night because I'm thinking about what to wear the next day, and
I can barely look either of these women in the eye now. I thought about blowing
a paycheck on a fantastic designer outfit, but that's not reasonable. Should I
approach these women about what I heard? Any fashion tips? I do enjoy my job,
but now every day is stressful.
—No-Style Protégée
My advice:
Dear No Style,
As I have not seen your wardrobe, I have to take from your comments that you wear office appropriate attire. You're not showing up in jeans when you should be wearing suits.
My advice to you as regards these two women, is to learn as much as you can from them professionally about businesses, and continue to dress appropriately for the office. If you don't own a suit, purchase one. And dress for the position you want, not the one you have. You can find reasonably priced professional attire at stores like TJ Maxx, Marshalls, and even JC Penneys. No designer labels, but with proper tailoring, a black suit, is a black suit, is a black suit.
And I would chalk up their bad mouthing to a bad day and move on with it. If you're really still uncomfortable, I would ask them in a conversational way if what you're wearing is appropriate for the office, and what their expectations are for your appearance. Mostly, I think the two executives (35?) are jealous of your youth (22?).
Here was Prudence's advise:
Dear No,
Your bosses may be a couple of mean girls, but their gossiping has
done you a favor. While you can dismiss how you dress as superficial, it's not
superficial if it's holding you back. Instead of projecting "young executive on
the way up," your business-casual look may say, "Every day feels like Friday!" Do not blow a paycheck on a single outfit that will make you feel as if you're playing dress-up with the boss's clothes. But since you are unlikely to find a
fashion guru with access to free designer clothes like the one in The Devil Wears Prada, you will have to do this yourself. Start looking through fashion magazines and books to get tips on building a professional wardrobe. Come up with a budget, and see if a midrange department store offers free consultation on slowly adding better-looking pieces to your rotation. This is only the first of many bumps you'll encounter as you build your career. Don't let yourself crumble over something snide and substantively insignificant. If you truly want to be a protégée of these women, you will turn their overheard remarks to your advantage—showing just how intelligent, ambitious, and stylish you are.
—Prudie
It may just be me and my bad mood ... but didn't the writer say her office was business casual? And she said she was dressing appropriately for it. Prudence is assuming that she's lying. Maybe as an expert advice columnist she knows when to do that.
I don't know ... the advice didn't sit well with me. She assumed that what the two execs said was true, when really they very well might have been gossiping about the fact that the young girl buys her clothes from KMart instead of Niemans. If that is the case, than no "free consultation" at a department store is going to make them any less catty. Though I am cognizant of the fact that merely writing back, "these women are catty, dress appropriately and within your budget" would not have benefited the column or the writer. I do agree that dressing for the position you want is important, it's also important to know that there are those that will put people down no matter what, because that's what they do to feel good about themselves. It's how they justify their lives.
Really, just reading the writer again, I'm so shocked at the advice. Prudence must work from home and write in her pajamas and not have to face these sorts of issues. As a person who did, does and will for some time, I take offense. Especially to the every 10-day comment. I often feel I'm wearing the same things over, and over, and over again. It's because I am. I can't afford to buy a new item every month. And really, I totally wish I could. But I can't. And I'm not going to be throw-away clothes just so I can be a fashion plate every day of the year. I'd rather have reasonable pieces that go with multiple things. The side-effect of this is, I wear a lot of the same stuff.
My husband, upon reading this would say, "rock into a pack of dogs."
But dear No-Style ... as a person who has struggled with fashion her entire life, who looks at other women who seem to wear and pick things better than I ... I feel your pain. And I can say honestly, that as long as you're clothing is clean, not distracting, distastefeul or disfunctional, and you're doing a really good job ... you're going to be okay. You may not be on the cover of Vogue ... but you're going to be okay.
You're co-workers on the other hand, executives or not ... well they are aging aren't they? Next time they say something ... ask when their birthday is.
:)
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