Screwing up

Why is it, that when a person starts to screw up ... they just continue to screw up? One mistake, two mistake, three mistakes ... every single one more damaging then the next. Its like a wave. I just hope that after it crashes into the shore, it takes a long time going back out to sea and my luck improves a little. Because I'm really sick to death of screwing up these things. These things that I check and feel like I'm doing well on, I continue to mess up. Typo here, mistake here, error here. When did I become so stupid? So careless? Blame it on stress or whatever you want but the truth is I'm just a screw up. I can't believe how many times I've shaken something off and said "okay, do better next time." Well the next times are coming and I'm not doing any better. Something is wrong with me.

I suppose its too personal to put here. Either way I needed to vent it out. I have to get it out and move on. Quick -- think of something I've done well! See, I can't do that. I'm still dwelling. I'm down in the depth of my mistake. All I see is the mistake. The mistakes. Makes me feel like all I do is make mistakes.

So I'll put out a prayer ... Please, please, let me do better. I don't want to feel like a screw up anymore. Maybe I'm supposed to feel that way right now but I don't know why. I'll try and learn something, I suppose humility and how to effectively apologize. How to try and make things right. But there isn't any way to "right" this. I just have to take it. I don't want to screw up anymore. Give me the will to try and improve.